An Open Letter To Married Men Who Claim their Wives Won't Have Sex With Them

Dear Mr. I have a Profile on Blankety-Blank Dating Site Dot Com,


I'm flattered that you've accepted me as a  match but after checking out some of the personality questions we both answered it would seem we are rather unsuited for one another.    I'm very liberal, an unrepentant socialist in fact. And you it would seem are quite conservative.  Ironic isn't it?  Conservative folks are always lobbying, voting complaining about morality, sex and the sanctity of the family and yet here you are trolling a dating site.

I have no idea how the site's algorithm works.  69% hardly seems a match.

You claim that your wife won't have sex you, is no longer interested or something to that effect.  I have to say that I have taken married lovers from time to time. Enough now that I can safely say you all say the same things. Not once have I heard one of you claim that you spoke frankly with your partner about what you needed and how important it is for you.  Not once have I heard a fellow say to me that he asked  his wife what it would take to change things.

 I have never heard of a guy suggesting that they then open their relationship so that he could at least enjoy his own sexuality. Not once has a fellow said to me: "I looked her in the eye and said, "Baby, I love you and I want you to feel safe and not pressure you. Sex is a big deal, big enough that you'd rather not have it, at least with me and big enough that I really do want it. And since I can't have it with you, I want to be honest and let you know that I will be having sex outside our relationship. Let's dialogue about this and see if we can't come to some kind of middle ground."


One thing is for sure I will never allow myself to participate in a sexually dysfunctional relationship ever again.  My fiance and I have an open relationship and we do not hide anything from one another.

I have known so many men who claim that their wive's are no longer interested in sex and I have to ask "why?"  I can tell you why I wasn't interested in sex with my ex even though we had sex every (and I do mean every night.) He did not even try to please me and was very judgmental, shaming, insecure and abusive.  

I'm not trying to take your inventory. I'm just letting you know that I am untypically honest and up front about sex and sexuality. After 45 years on this earth, a lot of exploring, soul searching and healing I am no longer willing to merely "put up".  I  understand why men approach me.  I am up front about sex and make no bones about enjoying casual sex. ( This does not mean  that I'm dtf with any one who asks.)

What I do not understand is why couples choose not to  talk about sex. Why people do not discuss how vital sex is to the success of a relationship.  Certainly a couple could decide they are no longer interested or sexually attracted in one another. But then what are the chances of both parties being asexual? Sex is as important to a healthy life as is eating, exercise and philosophy. It's so liberating to be honest with myself and my partner about what I am doing and who I am talking to.  I know why people don't talk to their partners about their sexual needs, it stems from fear and lack of trust.  Having been with someone I feared and did not trust for far too long, now that I have tasted freedom, I will never live in bondage and lies again.

My question for the fellows who claim their partners aren't having sex with them is this: why are you still in a relationship with this person? and if you still love this person but desire sex, why can't you dialogue with your partner for a solution? and if the answer is fear or lack of trust then why on earth are you with someone you fear and/or don't trust? Isn't that anathema to marriage/partnership even friendship?

I wish you much luck and success in your search for sexual connection.  But as for you and me, my conservative and hypocritical friend - I am not down to fuck.

Sincerely,

Rebellion Dogs